Lu, apahal?

Yahoo...I managed to cook fried mee last Saturday and it was a success. Thanks to my sifu, Kak Nani (love you). This Saturday, a family gathering at our house. No open house this year. Just for my parents, siblings, my in-laws, nephews, nieces and my vogue grandma, Che Iyah. Alamak, I forgot this name in my list. My Ustazah mengaji, Jameah @ Cik Pon. I will call her tomorrow. The menu, hot fried chicken, beef curry (my dearest kak lang will help me), sambal udang petai (gua masak lu makan) and fried cabbage+carrot. My best friend, Farain sponsored a big water melon while my mom, karipap pusing. Toche! Toche! The drink, of course "ekor ayam jantan" (cocktail le). AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! Actually, today was the most dreadful day in my life. All about my son. I was so sad that I cried in my car, in front of my parents and at home. Luckily, I did not cry during my PSS meeting at PKG. I knew how to control my emotion but it was like a bomb waiting to explode in my chest. I AM NOT A GOOD MOTHER. It is so sad to accept that fact but that it is. I don't know.. I really need support from someone but...hiii. I really don't know what to do. Good, bad, stupid or smart...he is still my boy. I won't leave him. God will help me to go through with all this. He is so young. He will become somebody, who knows....