Something wrong with this photo!!!

At first I chose this photo for the noticeboard outside the office, then I realised something..............so naughty!

Senja di Kuala Perlis.......

That is life!

Haiii....a few students said that I looked pale on my first day after the mc. Many teachers came and asked me to do that treatment again including Pn.Soon. I told her that I will become crazy if I have another miscarriage. One, two teachers said they were happy to have me back. The problem is I am not happy at all to see them. I felt that I am not supposed to be in school. Unlike my students, they didn't ask me anything. Many of them said that they missed me. That one, I accept because I also missed them. Then, I met the new PK1 for the first time. He made me got myself back. There were many things that I did not notice. I got back my focus. So, on the second day, the boys said," Teacher, welcome back". They said that I looked better than yesterday. Today, I was so angry with him (PK1). He couldn't see my face. He would ask me about work,work and work even at the canteen. I told Pn. Soon that I don't like this guy to disturb me. I know what to do and she knows my style. I cannot think if he keeps pushing me. So, I don't know what Pn. Soon had told him that made him came to see me just want to praise my work. I really don't like this situation. It made me feel uncomfortable.

Putrabrasmana Hotel

3 days and 2 nights slept at Putrabrasmana Hotel, Kuala Perlis then had time to go to Langkawi were really great. The hotel is near to the jetty (only 10 minutes walk). All of us (my husband, Ahmad, my parents, my maid and my eldest sister) felt so tired but that's not a big problem. Jalan tetap jalan. I booked three seaview rooms so everybody would feel comfortable. On the first night, we had our dinner outside (grilled fish, squids, etc haii but I think Umbai is cheaper and tastier). On the second night, we just had dinner at the hotel. Oh my God, I knew the food was expensive but it was not delicious at all. My seafood tomyam became onions tomyam (the prawns were so small like udang kering), my sister's char kue teow became kue teow kung fu, even my son couldn't eat his favourite nasi pattaya. Although they had performers to entertain us, it did not cool me down. They should change the chef!

Thanks for the gifts.....

Yesterday, my husband and my son gave me a surprise. He told me earlier that he didn't want to celebrate Valentine's Day but I got a purse and two t-shirts, yahoo.....He said that it's not because of Valentine, he just felt to give me something. Oh...whatever. I knew he just wanted to make me happy (thank you hubby). Our early marriage, he always gave me flowers(excuse me, not the plastic ones) and then after a few years, he asked me to make a choice whether I want flowers or makan besar (Pizza Hut, ikan bakar Umbai, etc). Flowers, only make me happy for a few days but makan besar, if the food is so good, I can remember it for months. So, you should know my answer very well. Today, kenduri at my mother's house. As usual, I cooked Sambal udang for the guests. Not bad, everybody loved it. Haii.....should open a restaurant one day.

No mood

No mood today. My husband has gone to Malacca, shopping with my son and I am willingly to stay at home. I don't know. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. My husband had already told me that we cannot celebrate it. Haiii......ok lah but there will be a small kenduri tomorrow at my mother's house. Yess! "MAKAN BESAR". Miss my son. I should follow them!!!

Life has to go on!!!!

Some of the people that I know asked me to do that treatment again. I wanted to but ......they should understand. If I do it again, I will get another miscarriage. Since my early marriage, I think if there're no miscarriages I would have at least 6 children. After 1 month and a week, plop they would come out. I know the reason for it but it's ok. I don't want to make a fuss. I can accept it. I just want to be happy like last time. Let people say whatever they want to say as long as I am happy with my family especially my husband. He is such a good man. A very good man. I don't want people to hurt his feeling. He really takes a good care of me, like what I said he is my fairy Godmother. So, no more sad stories. Life has to go on. There are so many things I want to do in my life and God knows the best for me. Bye! Bye! Forgot to wish Happy Valentine's Day to all couples and friends, Gong Xi Fa Chai and enjoy eating the Yee Sang.

The loss

On 19 January, the doctor had transferred my embryo. I was so happy. My son really took a good care of me. I just lay down (except to go to the bathroom or pray). I didn't know why on the second day I felt so painful on the left side. Almost every day I felt it, sometimes on the right side and sometimes on the left side. I was so scared. My husband was worried. Almost every night I had a bad dream. There's something bad will happen to me. Then, last Tuesday (2 February) I had bleeding. It was so terrible. The next day, my husband took me to Mahkota Hospital. The doctor tested my blood. It was negative. I did not cry in front of the doctor. I kept talking. The doctor asked me to see him again next month to do it again. I just shook my head. No wonder I never felt vomitting, I did ask my mother but she said different woman will have different symptom. When I was inside the car I started crying. My husband tried to console me but it didn't help. Last Friday (5 February), lots of blood coming out and in the afternoon, "my baby" came out. I felt useless. I really, really felt bad. I thought I could accept it but until today, I felt the emptiness. I tried to look happy in front of my family especially my mother but when I was alone, I would remember "my baby". I gave him a name already. I called him Mubin. Whenever I felt painful, I would rub my tummy and called his name. His full name was Muhammad Nur Mubin (I had read the 7 Mubin Yaasin many times during my pregnancy). I told Ahmad ,"baby Mama dah mati". He was so angry. He kept quiet but only for a while. When he saw his friend outside, he went out. Sometimes, when he saw me crying, he asked me, "Mama ingat baby?" I just smiled. I don't know whether I can get my old self again. It is so difficult.