Last week when he told me about his wife, I did give him advice. I don't want something bad to happen to this couple. Today, he told me that his wife still had bleeding. This time I didn't say anything. Just kept quiet. When I had my first miscarriage, I was in KL. My husband was in Perak. I didn't know I was pregnant. I did feel something but my friends said,"biasalah perubahan hormon". I wanted to see a doctor but it was still early. I was so active. I had night class at SMK Sains Selangor, teaching Form 5 students "Ekonomi Asas" (those boys didn't get good results in mid year exam, so within a few months I had to teach them this new subject, really crazy but one of them managed to get A1 in SPM). During assembly, I felt so painful. I thought period pain. My friend took me home. That evening, I went to the clinic near to my house. The doctor said that I had a miscarriage. I was so shocked and cried infront of him. He asked me to call my husband inside. I told him that I was alone. On the way home, I kept crying. I didn't care if people looked at me.....sorry, I don't like to remember this thing........

Life begins at 40

Going to be 40 this September....haiii sudah tua lah. When you are at this age, you have reached your maturity. They said this phrase is suitable for guys only. I don't think so. At this age, I think I have everything in my life. I have a loving husband, an adorable son, families that I can count on, a good career and assets (insurances, houses, plots of land, cars). What else do I want? God gives me everything ( except babies...never mind).....I should be grateful. When people did something good to us, we will become good to them. What about God? I was not a good muslimah. My husband always asked me to pray early but I never listened to him. I will pray Subuh at 6.40 am, Zuhur at 3.30 pm, Asar at 6.00 pm, Maghrib at 8.00 pm and Isyak before I slept. It was terrible. Just melepas batuk di tangga, janji buat. I don't know. Suddenly, I felt really bad. I should not do that. I am so lucky until today I am still alive. I should love God more that anything. When we are in difficulty, we will remember God. We think God is not fair by giving us this test. But what about if we are on top of the world, we think we deserve it without God's help. I tried so hard to get a baby this year. When I did the treatment, I took mc (going to take unpaid leave). I had maid to take care of me, I did everything to save my "baby" but God didn't let me to. It's beyond our control. Whatever happened in our lives, there's hikmah. We don't know that. Only God knows!

Pengubat Hati
1. Baca Quran dan maknanya
2. Dirikanlah solat malam
3. Berkawan dengan orang yang soleh
4. Banyakkan puasa
5. Zikir malam.

May God helps us to do all these.

No mood today. My son's not well. He had fever last night but now, he's ok only coughing. Haiii...thinking of the bonus that the government servants can get this year. We cannot give too much hope but please have mercy on us. Kah!Kah!Kah! Cuepacs asked for 2 months bonus...mimpilah. My friends asked about my plan for the holiday. No where. We cannot even go back to Kelantan, afraid that the contractor needs us to settle anything related to our new house. Sacrifice! Sacrifice! A stranger known as Mr Lonely read my blog. Thank you. I read his blog but I am so lazy to give comments. Sorry. Last Friday JC told me that he and Poon are cousins but why their first names are different. Then, he said that their mothers are sisters. Like that aaa. It's good to know other people's culture and custom. We must learn how to respect to other cultures and beliefs, then we can live in this country without prejudice........

Happy birthday Ahmad...

Actually I was scared to celebrate his birthday. When he was 1 year old, we did have a birthday party for him. I invited my relatives and we sang a birthday song for him. After that Ahmad always got sick, seriously sick. Pneumonia, asthma, high fever that make me think twice to have another birthday party for him. When he was 2 years old, we took him to Putra Jaya for a lake cruise. 3 years old, we were in Mecca at that time. 4 years old, only at Cameron Highlands. Last year, we just had makan besar at my parents' house. No birthday song, no birthday cake and no wishes.........just makan tengahari! Last Sunday, I felt pity to this boy. I told my husband that it's ok if we bought him a cake but no need to sing a song or blow candles. So, at last after 4 years, he had his own birthday cake. He was so shy that I had to cut the cake for him (then my sister helped me to cut it nicely, thank you). Haii...my son didn't like attention. Sooooo shy (like me, so only a picture of his cake and a picture hugging my nephew, Id - he refused to cut his cake).

Ketulusan Hati

I heard this song when I watched "Panggilan Agung" in Astro Oasis. I never thought we can dedicate this love song to our God. When we love someone too much, we forget that we'll lose them one day. If we love God, it will be an undying love.....an endless love.

Cintaku tak berdusta
Tak mengenal ingkar
Tak kenal nestapa

Cintaku hanya indah
Hanya bahagia untuk selamanya
Apa yang kurasakan ini
Persembahan untuk diriMu
Kau biarkan kasihku

MencintaiMu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis
Hanya tulusnya hati
MencintaiMu tak mengenal ragu
Keyakinan hatiku hanya untuk diriMu selalu

My dream house....

Starts the renovation. Frankly speaking, I cannot wait to see what it will look like. Expand the front, left side and the back......the cost, don't ask? Almost 9 years I live with my parents. I don't know, it's like lepas geram. When I was 13 years old, I left home to study at boarding school. Then, I went to university in PJ for 6 years and in Gombak for 1 year. Live in KL with my colleagues for 2 years. After that I followed my husband to Perak and lived there for 5 years. Actually, I really-really miss my mum. I want to be closed to her. People don't know that. When I was small, I was closed to my maid, Kak Nor. My mum was the famous fish monger (after I finished my study then she stopped working) in Pulau Sebang market. She always looked tired at home. If I needed anything, I just told my father. I didn't dare to ask her. I remember one incident when my mum wanted to cook something special for my sister. She told me that my sister liked that food. Then, I asked her,"Emak tahuke saya suka makan apa?" She said,"Tak tahu." I was so sad. I went into the bathroom and cried (until now I like to cry in the bathroom). I live with my mum because I want her to know me, her youngest child. I want her to know everything about me. I want her to know that I need her in my life. I was not lucky. So many things happened here. Before this, I bought a house near to my school but I rent it to someone. Can get money maa...I really want to live with them but it's better to live in separate houses. My husband knows my problem. He has been so patient. Ok...final decision, he bought my dream house. Thank you for helping me out! Don't worry. Our new house is near to my parents's house so, every day I can see my angels. Love both of you so much.....

Hey! That's my brother, the judge.....

One of them is my brother, Bang Tih. My parents are so happy to see his face in the newspaper. Really proud of you bro!

Good and bad news

Hi! Today Lisa and Farain came to school. So happy to see them. Thanks Lisa for that em,em,em. Not lucky because Cikgu Aziz was in the library so I couldn't have a long chat with them but thank you for visiting us. Yesterday someone told me something about our friend's wife. I was shocked but I tried to stay calm. It was bad news, really bad news. No wonder he was not around. He took his wife to the hospital for a therapy. She asked me to keep it as a secret. I won't tell anyone about this because I don't want people to keep asking him about his wife. I know his feeling. People will just say,"sabarlah" but it's not easy to accept the fact that someone we love so much is in pain! Today I got good news from another teacher, he's going to be a father. No wonder, he looked so happy. He didn't mind the students forgot to bring their NILAM books. He was like walking in the air. I never saw that situation before. After his students left the library, he went out. Then, he came back smiling. He looked at me and said, "orang rumah saya mengandung". Oh my God. I was so happy and asked him to take a really good care of her. Yalah. He told me that his wife's so sensitive now. Of course, that's normal. After three years of marriage, they will have a baby. Haiii...last time before I got Ahmad, when someone told me that news, it's like thunder....deboom. I felt useless but now I am ok. Two husbands who face two different situations. Just pray to God that nothing bad will happen to them...InsyaAllah.

The request!!!

On Mother's Day last week, my husband gave me a cake. It was a surprise. The best part was he fed me, haiii....I think my husband has changed. He's so romantic now. He takes a good care of me, giving me what I want but he was not romantic before. Then yesterday, we went to Jaya Jusco Air Keroh. I love eating at the food court there. My favourite spot is The Western Food. The chicken grilled with the black pepper sauce was so tasty. I don't like chicken chop because the chicken is like nugget whereas for this one, they grill a fresh chicken. Before going home, my husband went to the frame shop, may be he wanted to find something special for our new house. After that he went to the souvenir shop. I asked him what was he trying to find. Then he said,"For you". I was speechless. He bought me a teddy bear with roses. I got tears in my eyes. Just said,"thank you" to him. I think I should fulfill his only request, no more shirts or t-shirt. I like wearing simple, plain shirts. I like to look sempoi. I remember when I was a teenager, my grandmother looked at my faded jeans and shirt, asking me,"mak kau tak bagi duit ko, ni pakai barang lusuh ajo". Haiii...she didn't know my faded jeans was RM100 something and my Lee shirt was also like that. Yalah..I should change. Be a lady, but not now aaa.....

Happy Teachers' Day

Celebrated Teachers' Day at school today. Last night got a message from Chong, wishing me Happy Teachers' Day( He still didn't remember the date, he should become a teacher one day). Then got the second gift from Rita. Haiii...one is enough. She likes to give me presents. The best one is when I was invited to go to Remove class. The Indian students were so good. They bought a blue cake for the teachers who teach their class only; got bihun goreng, nasi goreng, sweets and Nips chocolate. I just took the chocolate, the rest I told them that the teachers would be given jamuan later, so I couldn't eat a lot. They decorated their class and asked Pn. Zanariah, their class teacher to cut the ribbon before entering. Sooooo sweet. I really enjoyed the programmes that incharged by Ngai Pei Siang. It's simple but he didn't burden the teachers and the students. All of us assembled at the hall, so it's not hot. After that, games. Then the teachers had jamuan at Bilik Gerakan. Lastly, students' performance and a kotak beracun game (he changed the rule, thank you), all at the hall. Haii.... teachers don't need presents. We can afford to buy them. I got 10 apples yesterday, until today all are still inside the fridge. Today I got another apple from Mr Vik. Then a girl came to see me, telling me that she's very hungry. I asked her to take the apple on my table. She asked me about her apple that she gave me yesterday. Haiii...I said the one on my table was from Mr Vik. If you are not sincere to give the teachers a gift, then don't give it next time. I looked at the positive side because she always helped me only that it's not nice to say,"my apple, teacher". You gave it to me and then you said "my apple"!!!!

Fly baby fly......

So damn tired. Think of running away from all this but I'm not a coward. How hard it is I must face it. The problem is I couldn't control my mouth anymore, I just said without thinking of other people's feeling. Soooooooooooooo sorry. I will try to stay calm, take a deep breath and just smile. The question paper is ready, one work done. Apples bought already, another work done. Still has other works waiting. Haiiii......I am so jealous with TBS and SMT. They have lots of money to spend. They wondered why I had to sell things at school. They got RM18,000 something for their PSS fund and RM7000 for Suwa (which they must finish it). I, on the other hand only got RM8300 for the fund and RM2200 (used to pay for the 4 newspapers and all the 8 magazines - January until October)...haiiii and our PIBG only contributes RM500 every year. Not like them, they got RM2000 at least from their PIBG. So sad. I have to accept that my school is so daif. I think if I get an offer to go somewhere, I will just accept. Last year, I always said no when Pn. Soon asked me to apply for a new post. I thought I was not yet ready. Kept thinking of my son. This time.....don't know but I really-really fed up with the situation.

Na..no..na..no..na...no...na...no

My brain is going to explode! Too many things to think.....
a) Contractor..this is going to be the second and the last(hopefully). He's a young contractor from Tampin Jaya. He told us the price. I think it's ok but my husband was still not satisfied. He wanted to ask his friends first...oh whatever. Last time, I thought Chong (ex-librarian) as the contractor. Waah..I heard he has a new girlfriend. How many times he has a new girlfriend? Haiii..just hope he will do well in his SPM.
b) PSS....I want to buy so many things but Pn.Soon had told me earlier that I can spend less than 70% PSS fund. I get RM8300.00 every year. It means I can spend around RM5000.00. That is the money to buy books, computer ink, stationery, album, manila cards, bla, bla, bla.... Not enough. Aaaaaaaa!!!!!!
c) Buy apples tomorrow. I went to see the towkey today, she gave me 70 cents each. Ok lah...suppose to be 80 cents. I cannot buy small apples for my friends. It's their day, must give quality ones. So the profit that I got around RM100 something. OK LAH...rather than nothing. At least I can buy 4 original vcds for the library.
d) My son didn't want to take a nap in the afternoon anymore. After doing his homework, he just played, played and played. So, he slept early at night. I couldn't teach him reading and Maths. So worried about him. When we went shopping today, he danced when they played Lady Gaga song at that time. He wasn't shamed at all. Lucky, my students were not there. I asked him to choose presents for his teachers.....he pointed a machine gun toy!!!
e) My husband didn't like me wearing shirts (he told me that he's going to throw my favourite shirt one day, the black one). He wanted me to wear blouse. When I went to Malacca with my friends last Friday, I saw a very nice shirt. It's only RM22.00. Chitra asked me to buy and I wanted to but it's ok lah.....

Happy Mother's Day

Yesterday, Ahmad and I bought a card for my mum. I asked him to write something using his colour pencils. She was so happy that she cried and hugged my son. I cried too. I don't know why we became so sensitive. Last night, I sang one song to my son to make him sleeping. Suddenly, he took his bolster to cover his face. Then, I realised that he was crying. He missed my husband so much. I had to call my husband to comfort him. Both of us fell asleep until Hidayat (ex-student)sent me a message, wishing me "Selamat Hari Ibu" at midnight. Lucky he did that because I hadn't performed Isyak prayer yet. Thank you Hidayat. He helped me a lot to prepare props for my drama. I think he is studying at UITM now. So to all mums "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY". Be a mother is a gift from God. Appreciate your children as they are your greatest asset. I cannot imagine my life without Ahmad. He is everything...........

Man vs woman

Went to Shopping Centre with Ahmad this morning. Ahmad chose the books which are easy for him. I changed his books, he was very angry. He started saying," Ahmad nak mati. Mati dekat jel". I don't know where he learned the word jel. I told him that jail is for bad persons. We just walked as it's near to my parents' house (the real reason is I didn't dare to drive) . He was so tired that until now he's still sleeping. Poor my boy. Then, I sent a message to my husband because he didn't call me since this morning. He called me and said that he just finished his LDP and tonight he has another programme. I reminded him to call Ahmad this evening. He said ok. Women and men are different; physically (of course), mentally and emotionally. We have to tell men what do we want, if not they won't know. I remember when my husband said something bad, I was so sad. He didn't notice it. It was just a joke. He continued reading the newspaper like he didn't know that he had hurt my feeling. After a few minutes, I told him,"awak tak tahu ke saya tengah merajuk ni". He said," la apasal tak cakap awal-awal". See! They don't know that we are angry or sad. We must tell them. It's so difficult to find a man who looks at us and knows that we are sad, or whatever. I met one but he's not a man. He's just a boy!

MISS YOU.......

My husband has to attend a three day Form 6 course at his school. My son kept asking about him. Haiii...I still remember when we were in Perak, he had to attend Induction Course for three weeks at Setiawan (it took 1 hour to go there). We did not teach at the same school. So, when I reached home, I felt so lonely. I went to the kitchen, he had already bought me food. He had prepared everything, no need for me to go to the shop. I cried until night because I missed him so much. Then, around 10.30 pm, he came back. He told me that he felt someone calling him. He didn't like to see me crying so every night he would travel to keep me company. After that he had to attend another course in Kedah. Before he went there, he made sure someone accompanied me at home, who else my parents la. He will do everything just to make me happy. He pampered me too much. I remembered when I wanted to buy a story book. He's so tired to go to the shop. So, I wanted to follow my friend to go there. Straightaway, he said," No need, I will take you there". In 2002, when I told him that I wanted to stay with my parents after we transferred from Perak, he just agreed. He has his weakness (who was born perfect?) but he is perfect as a husband and a papa. Miss you, miss you and miss you......

This week, asked Shen to take photos for the cross-country event. He's ok and then Brian told me that he also wanted to help as he couldn't run because of migrain. EXCUSE!!! Professor ran without his glasses. I asked him whether he could run without them. He just smiled but Uges looked at me and said, "Don't worry, he will reach Malacca". Today, all the teachers had meeting for Hari Koperasi. I thought I wanted to have karaoke slot, one song we will charge 50 cents. The Form 5 librarians rejected my idea. Then, Christopher and Wee Chin agreed to sell cakes on that day. I will give them RM50.00 to buy the ingredients but I don't think I will take the profit (although I had told them that the profit was for PSS) . They just give me back my RM50.00, enough. Apples for teachers' day.......we received 172 orders, so far. Thanks to all students (the ones who ordered la), Cikgu Mohamad and Lisa Teo (you're still SMKTI sweetheart)....thank you so much. I can buy new vcds for the library.

SIVIK

I don't know why we have this subject at school. They know it's not an exam subject, that's why the students are not interested to learn. I really pity the teachers who teach that subject. It's really wasting time and because of it, some of us have to go back at 2.40pm. The worst is many English teachers have class at 2.00pm (no more mood to learn, think of our lunch at home) including me, my 3B. They have Pendidikan Islam and Pendidikan Moral which teach them how to become good. Why do we need Sivik if the students do not care to learn? During my time, we did have Sivik(because there's no Pendidikan Moral for the non Muslims at that time) but it's not every week. It's alternate with PJ. The Sivik teacher, I didn't like him. I was the class monitor in Form 5 Omega (I was appointed as my class teacher knew that by giving me work, I would become responsible). He asked me why I became the monitor, "pilihan kelas ke?" I looked at him and said,"pilihan guru". So, every time when we had Sivik( without waiting for the teacher), my friends and I went to the toilet and changed our uniforms. He would try to find us and when he saw us with the PJ uniforms, he just left. PJ was so cool. That's the time, I really had fun with my friends. We just went to the PJ store, took a ball and played our own version Captain ball. We didn't mind to play the same game every week. No need observation from the PJ teacher. This game has no rules, not like netball. It's a tough game, physically and mentally. Sometimes, I pity our students. The good ones will just think of exam only while the weak ones just think of finding work and get money. It's not a healthy situation at all!!

Monkey Business!!!

Went to Mustafa Original Nasi Ayam Gemas (near TBS). Bought 5 packs. Ok, not bad. Compare to Nasi Ayam Gemas (Osman's one, near Pizza Hut), the taste is almost the same but the original one, its rice (smell good) and chicken (nice and tender) are better. Yalah, the recipe belongs to Mustafa but this Osman, I really salute him. He sent his wife and daughter to work with Mustafa for 6 or 7 months. So, they learned how to make that famous chicken rice until they're expert. After that, he resigned and opened his own chicken rice restaurant. Haii...so easy. Now he has a few nasi ayam restaurants. Did he do the correct thing? Even, my husband's uncle also had the same problem. His best worker married to his rival's son. Before this, his uncle was the one who could produce cheap but quality songkok, now he has to share with that guy. Rezeki is from God. If you did something bad, worse thing will happen to you later. If not to you, may be to your family. Duit banyak ke sikit tak apa, janji halal. Hidup pun berkat.